Speed Trials

I’m in a state of flux. There is much to be excited about, and yet I’m sitting here stressing about how to keep my head above water. Low-level anxiety, irritability and insomnia – three things I can’t seem to shake.

The apartment is a friggin’ STY – but I can’t bring myself to maintain cleanliness because we’re moving in 10 days. So that’s one thing.

I’m super excited to be moving into our semi-forever home – but I can’t bring myself to start packing. So that’s another thing.

I haven’t run consistently since my race on February 19 – but I can’t bring myself to suck it up and get out there despite my best intentions. And lack of exercise for me usually goes hand in hand with poorer food choices…

I’m amazed that my mid-section got so soft so quickly – but I can’t bring myself to make better food choices and keep the fridge and cupboards well-stocked. And with less nutrients comes more lethargy, and so the vicious cycle continues

And finally, I know that I’ve been slacking on the blog – but writing a post seems to take SO LONG and I never really learned how to make the process more efficient (the photos are killer. They take forever to upload) and now I feel like I have NO TIME to learn new tricks.

But amidst all the things that are kinda getting me down right now, there is a lot to feel good about:

• Once in the new house, Angelo will have a room dedicated for his office and Nico will have his very own bedroom
• The weather is amazing and yesterday Nico played outside barefoot for the first time ever
• Nico is amazing – and I have five more glorious summer months of Mat Leave left with him
• Cottage season and Bike Polo season
• Almond Croissants from The French Baker

Hey everyone, remember our cat Enzo?

Poor Enzo, he used to be the cutest thing on this blog. He used to be the spoiled baby of the family. He used to spend all of his waking hours on our laps getting pets.

Obviously a lot of things changed for him when Nico came along, and I thought I’d talk a bit about how he dealt with the new addition.

So, before Nico was born we didn’t do much to “prep” Enzo for his arrival. We had the crib set up months before and sprayed him with water the few times he dared to jump into it. That was about all the training we did with him in anticipation of the baby.

When Nico came home on September 22, Enzo was super happy to see Angelo and me, but was truly unimpressed with the new addition to the family. He came up to the baby for a sniff or two, but that was it. He skulked around the apartment, avoiding the baby as much as he could. And when Nico would cry, Enzo would meow loudly, openly showing his displeasure.

Luckily the weather was still warm and summer-like, so he spent most of his days outside, returning home only at nightfall. Enzo grew up quite a bit in those first few months. Gone were the hour-long pet sessions, coddling, and snuggling. There was hardly any time for me to dote on him. It was all I could do to remember to feed him every day.

Another thing that really shocked me in those first few months was just how much I fell out of love with Enzo. Before Nico, I had a serious case of treating my fur-baby like a real baby. I poured all of my motherly instincts and love onto him. But as soon as I came home with my human baby, all of the love I had for Enzo evaporated. I remember thinking that he was a huge inconvenience, always in the way, meowing when the baby was trying to sleep, and dirty. All that cat hair, and dust from his paws, and kitty litter seemed vile to me all of a sudden. I caught myself more than once wishing he would go out and just not come home. I was shocked by how strongly I disliked him, and I feel pretty bad about that now, but in those early days, I just couldn’t help my feelings.

I was really worried about it, and I certainly couldn’t talk about it to Angelo who was still just as in love with Enzo as before. I think Enzo would have been a lot worse off if Angelo hadn’t been there to lavish attention on him when I kept pushing him away.

Slowly, as the months went on and the family adjusted (and after being finally convinced that Enzo wasn’t going to do a harm to my baby) I started to see him in a better light, and even managed to give him a few pets throughout the day. Now that we’re 5 months into this adventure, I’ve rekindled my love for Enzo, though at a few degrees cooler than in the days before the baby. We have a good understanding now, and he knows he can crawl up on my lap when the baby’s not in my arms, and he’s finally stopped sniffing my breasts for their milk. When I give Enzo kisses, they’re not forced like before, and I actually do like having him around again.

Also, Nico can sit up very well now and he has finally noticed Enzo, and he is INTERESTED! Every time Enzo walks through Nico’s field of vision, Nico is mesmerized and lunges towards the cat. He’s done some (supervised) petting, and Enzo lets Nico touch and manhandle him to a certain extent. Enzo is no longer weirded out by the cries, and often the four of us can hang out together on the couch or bed.

And I’m excited to know that Nico will have a wonderful pet/best friend when he gets a bit older.

One final note: When we brought newborn Nico home, weighing in at 7.5 lbs, Enzo felt like this huge heavy beast of a cat. I couldn’t believe how much heavier (and generally LARGER) he seemed compared to the baby (and I think that was also part of the reason I recoiled from him so much at first, he was so much bigger than Nico). But now that our strapping boy is 18lbs and growing, our perception of Enzo has returned to the normal cat that he is. He does seem way lighter now in comparison!

Nico caught a bug. He’s been pretty warm for the last few days, just on the verge of a fever. He also hasn’t been sleeping super well, but I thought it was just a growth spurt. Then last night he was not himself and at around 8:30pm he vomited all over the place. It was pretty gross, but I was more worried for him than concerned about being covered in sour milk.

His sinuses are congested to the point that it makes him gag. Thankfully he was able to get a decent night’s sleep last night (with a blanket folded under the little mattress of his bassinet to let his nose drain) and today he’s been doing mostly this:

a THREE HOUR nap this morning followed by a good half hour nap before dinner. Hopefully that means he’s on the mend. But with his illness, and with the fact that we had a major snowstorm in Ottawa today:

meant that we did not venture outside at all. And it only takes one day of complete inactivity for me to get pretty stir crazy. And without spending any energy, I realized just how much I’d been bingeing on sugar in the last few weeks.  I guess with race training and breastfeeding and simply indulging I had allowed myself to really go nuts on the sweets – especially chocolate.

Anyway, without dwelling too much on that, I’ll be paying a bit more attention on just how many treats end up in my gob every day, and keep the vast majority of them for special occasions, where they belong!

And hopefully that’ll mean that soon we’ll BOTH be feeling better!

Ange and I are both hockey fans. And we’re big NHL fans, too. We watch Hockey Night In Canada every Saturday, and I even turned Nico into my favourite hockey player for his first Halloween.

So when the NHL 2012 All Star game was to be held in Ottawa, we were stoked. Though we didn’t get tickets to the actual game or anything, it was enough having that hockey fever in the air.

On Saturday, we took Nico to the Fan Fair at the new Convention Centre. It was pretty crowded, but lots of fun. Nico wore his Sens sleeper and knitted skates, and was a huge hit! We walked around and looked at the memorabilia, and then we got in line to see the Stanley Cup.

The line was pretty long, and it took us about 2 1/2 hours to get to the front. There was a lovely couple with a two-month-old in front of us, and we chatted as we waited. Both couples had the same question: Will they let us put our kid in the cup??? When it was their turn, they asked the white-gloved official, who answered: “It’s been done, you can do it.” Gotta love that!

So Nico got to sit in the Stanley Cup!! Haha. Totally worth the wait!

And then, to top it off, our passes ended up being “winners” and we got an amazing Senators jersey signed by Chris Phillips! We never win anything like that!! Of course Angelo wore it to play hockey at the outdoor rink the next day…

So kudos to Ottawa for hosting a pretty fun Fan Fair.

I’m feeling a lot better today than I did on Tuesday. And thanks to Crystal for her lovely comment on my last post – I guess I must remember that we’re all trying our best!!

This morning was truly idyllic – I was enjoying my morning coffee with Angelo, we were reading the paper while Nico nursed and slept in my lap. For a brief moment I was completely at peace with everything – no nagging anxiety about dishes or dustbunnies, no needless worrying about diapers or lack of sleep. It was just lovely to hang out as a family (yes, Enzo was there too). And then I looked out the window…

It was very sunny out, but the kind of winter sun where you just KNOW it’s frigid out there!! Across the street I could see a neighbour scrapping her car of ice, and she was NOT making any headway. “I really should go for a run” escaped my lips, and immediately the stress of adhering to my training plan crept back into my neck. After all, I didn’t go for my 5k run yesterday because of the snowstorm, but today’s conditions are no better since there’s a dusting of snow over VERY icy roads.

I looked down at my beautiful sleeping boy, and I decided it was now or never. He was napping, Angelo was home, I could lace up my shoes and be back in 30min.

The run was neither easy nor challenging – I was working to keep a good pace, but the effort wasn’t herculean.  And all at once I felt that same peace as I had over breakfast. And for the first time in 4 months, I felt good being completely alone. Sure I thought about my baby while on the run, but I certainly enjoyed the scenery and the solitude, too.

And hey, despite icy conditions and strong winds, I managed a 5k in under 30min. Added bonus: Nico was still asleep by the time I got home!