Speed Trials

NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month, where participants sign up with the goal of writing a 50,000 word novel in just 30 days, from November 1 to 30.

I like the concept because it forces would-be authors to just get their stuff down on paper, with no time to worry about the quality of the writing. This is from NaNoWriMo’s website:

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. This approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Now this will be my second attempt to complete NaNoWriMo. Two years ago I signed up thinking it would be a breeze. I failed miserably, and only got about 10,000 words down. I felt terrible for not finishing, and put NaNoWriMo out of my mind completely.

Until now!! This year I’m giving it another shot. But is it crazy to attempt to write 1,500 words a day with a newborn at home? Perhaps, but this year I’m armed with a bit more experience which may help me reach my goal:

Firstly, I have no expectations for this novel. This year the emphasis is on process, not product. I’m doing this because it’s a fun thing to do, not because I want to publish a novel at the end of it.

Secondly, I’m at home on Mat Leave, and often the only person I talk to all day is the Nico, and he’s not a great conversationalist just yet. It will be nice to have an outlet to get my thoughts out (kind of like an amped up version of what I do on the blog!!)

Thirdly, I have an idea this year!! It’s more of a concept than a storyline, but it’s so open ended that it will help avoid writer’s block. Added bonus, it plays up my strengths as a writer.

NaNoWriMo starts Tuesday for those interested. You can track my progress here, or sign up yourself!!

… I went on a run last Wednesday. I really built up my “return to running” over the last few weeks, so it’s weird that I went out on a short run without so much as documenting the event.  I think it’s because that first run was really just a test – I was testing out my fitness level (I haven’t gone for a run since JANUARY!!), I was testing if I really had recovered from giving birth, and I was also testing running with a jogging stroller. I had no expectations for anything, and it’s a good thing too. My run was VERY short, and very tiring. My lungs burned, my legs ached, and my side stitched. Oh, and no, I haven’t fully recovered from the delivery after all, as evidenced by some major soreness “down there” afterwards. Oh well…

Now, let’s talk about my stroller!!! Angelo’s mother surprised me with an amazing BOB Stroller at my baby shower. Yes, I am super spoiled!!!

BOB Strollers are not suitable for babies under 8 weeks old, so I bit the bullet and shelled out $50 for the infant car seat adaptor. At first I thought I could go without it, and just put Nico in the Boba Wrap until he was 8 weeks old, but I was getting frustrated just looking at that beautiful stroller and not being able to take it out for a spin. Since I bought the adaptor, I’ve used the stroller every single day for walks around the ‘hood. The Revolution SE has extra burly wheels, which make it great for all kinds of terrain, and Nico has a very smooth ride. It also handles like a dream. The front wheel has the option of either being free to swivel (for walking around town), or locked in place (for running). And even with the added weight of the car seat, I was easily able to push the stroller with just one hand during my run.

However, running with any kind of stroller takes some adjusting, and at times I felt really awkward. I’m hoping that with more practice I’ll get the hang of it, just like everything else baby-related. It will help when he outgrows the infant car seat, since that thing weighs a ton. Seriously, most cumbersome piece of baby equipment ever!

Nico is not a big fan of going into his carseat… But it doesn’t take long before he succumbs to its coziness and falls asleep!

We hear it so often when it comes to breastfeeding: don’t be afraid to ask for help, and seek it out early. And yet I’ve been languishing at home, alone with my baby, worried and anxious about his poop and whether or not he was feeding properly. It was a horrible feeling…

On Tuesday, after I posted I went to the Public Health Well-Baby Drop-in clinic and got him weighed. I asked the nurse about the green poops, and she told me to just keep on eye on it, and talk to my doctor if it persists. Now, I absolutely love this service, and I certainly don’t want to knock it, but that wasn’t the answer I wanted. I knew in my gut that his green poops weren’t normal, and that they HAD been persisting long enough for me to be concerned. (best new-mom advice: Trust your instincts!!)

So today I went down to Milkface where they were holding a weekly breastfeeding clinic, lead by a registered nurse and lactation consultant. There is a cost to this clinic, but it was super helpful for me and made me feel 100 times better.

Barb started by asking me about Nico, and I told her my concerns:

• Nico has consistently had dark green poops for about a week
• I have a forceful let-down that often makes him sputter and choke
• In an attempt to get more hindmilk into Nico, I’ve only been offering him one boob at each feeding
• Once the let-down is over, Nico often stops gulping and just nibbles without swallowing much
• My nipples are starting to get pretty sore

Barb was really patient and thorough in her assessment. She weighed Nico before the feeding, and then asked me to latch him on. She showed me how to get a proper latch, using the cross-cradle hold, and showed me how to do breast compression to get more milk into my little man. She was really patient with me and was clear in her instructions. My feeding felt purposeful for the first time in forever, like I was really filling him up.

Barb weighed him after he was finished the first boob, to get an accurate measure of milk transfer. Turns out he wasn’t getting a whole lot, and would DEFINITELY need both breasts at each feeding. She said that while green poop can be caused by a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, dark green poop (like Nico’s) occurs when a baby is not getting enough calories.

I was really grateful for all of Barb’s advice and knowledge, but another benefit of the clinic was interacting with the other moms who showed up. There was this solidarity between us, since we all shared a common goal (breastfeeding success) even though each of our situations were very different. It was just nice to know that there are other ladies out there who understand…

Now I know that Nico and I aren’t in the clear just yet, but it’s such a relief to finally get practical advice to get us there.

Today’s post is a bit of a downer. Remember how I was supposed to go on my first post-partum run today? Well, instead I’m holing up in bed with my bud.

Um… and my laptop. heh heh.

The little man is NOT having a good day, and as much as I do not want to turn this blog into a poop analysis outlet, his poop is definitely at the forefront of my mind these days. It’s been consistently green for about four days, when it should be yellow. I’ve been driving myself crazy wondering whether this is caused by a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, a sensitivity to dairy, or a virus or infection. He has an appointment with the doc on Friday, so hopefully we’ll get to the bottom of it by then. In the meantime, I’ve cut dairy from my diet, and I’ve started block feeding to try to get back to yellow-poop-land.

Other than the green poop, Nico has been looking and acting like his usual self, and has even outgrown a couple of his newborn sleepers.  But last night he didn’t sleep well at all, and today he’s just inconsolable. His crying is the kind that makes me think he’s actually in pain, and so I’ve decided to do nothing today except feed and cuddle. No dishes, no laundry, no tidying, no groceries, no answering the phone, and unfortunately, no running.

He’s finally settled down, but I’m not putting him into his bassinet. He’s going to stay right here until he feels better. My run can definitely wait a day or two. After all, it won’t be the last time that my plans get shuffled to accommodate the kid. And that’s just fine with me.

I’m about to get all introspective about what happened a year ago today. But that date has been stuck in my head for a looooong time, and I don’t want to let it go by without mention. So please bear with me…

My doctor sent me to the Emergency Room of the Civic Hospital on Thursday October 14, 2010 because he had reason to believe I was having an ectopic pregnancy. (That’s when the egg implants itself somewhere other than in the uterus. There’s never any chance to save the baby, and it can be quite damaging for the momma too). Unfortunately, it was one of those crazy days at the ER, and I had to wait 7 hours before being seen by a resident. By then, the obstetrician had gone home, and so I was sent home and told to come back in the morning for an ultrasound.

So when I woke up on the morning of October 15, 2010, I had convinced myself that everything was going to be okay. I mean, they wouldn’t have sent me home if I needed emergency surgery, RIGHT???

Wrong.

The ultrasound revealed an ectopic pregnancy in my left Fallopian tube. The embryo was too big to treat medically, and I had already been bleeding for about 35 days straight, so they thought surgery would be the best way to treat it. They told me I was about 9 weeks pregnant.

After the surgery (which was a laparoscopy) they told me that my tube was hella damaged, and they had to remove it. They also told me that my abdomen was covered in adhesions – most likely caused by a Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (read: untreated STD or other infection that was left to wreak havoc on my insides) and that becoming pregnant might be a problem for me.

PSA: STDs, even with no symptoms, CAN make you infertile!!! Listen to what they teach you in school!!!

My heart was in my throat as I heard the words. What no one had known was that this pregnancy had been planned.  And now I was down one tube right off the bat, with more complications to come.

I thought about that baby a lot in the last year.  Even though we proved the doctors wrong and got pregnant naturally two months after my surgery (yay!), and even though I was madly in love with the baby growing inside me, I still had a place in my heart for that first baby that never found his way home…

It’s such a strange feeling to know that, if things had been different, I would never have known Nico, who I obviously can’t live without. That I might be holding some other baby in my arms seems so foreign to me now. How can I mourn the loss of one life while rejoicing in the birth of another?

I guess I just do…