Speed Trials

I don’t know why it fell upon us to be this lucky, but for some unknown reason the stars aligned for us.  I know how lucky I am. I’m humbled by it all the time.

I am 12 weeks pregnant.

Even after I had an Ectopic Pregnancy 4 months ago, and even after I underwent a Tubal Patency test that showed that my last remaining tube was blocked; even after being told by multiple doctors that conceiving naturally was “virtually impossible” for me, and even after scheduling IVF treatments. Even after all that, I am 12 weeks pregnant.

Here’s the recap (dates and timelines are still my touchstones as I navigate through this crazy saga):

October 15, 2010 – Emergency surgery to remove Ectopic Pregnancy. The fetus was stuck in my left Fallopian tube, and unfortunately the tube could not be saved. While they were in there, the doctors tried to inspect my right Fallopian tube, but I have some major scarring (adhesions) all over my pelvis that made it impossible for them to physically get to the tube.

November 22, 2010 – Follow up post-surgery. Was told that I would have to undergo some tests to determine whether or not I could get pregnant naturally.

December 8, 2010 – Tubal Patency test. They inserted liquid into my uterus and checked to see if it would go all the way up my tube. It didn’t, and they tried everything but that tube was hella blocked. I was left confused and hurt, and they told me that my next appointment would only be on January 10. I asked them what that appointment was for, and they couldn’t really say. I was so mad and upset after that test.

After thinking about it for a couple of days, I got mad enough to call them back. I demanded that the doctor see me sooner, that I had NO IDEA what was going on, and that all these tests were being performed, even though everyone around me kept saying how IVF was my only hope. I managed to get an appointment with “my” Obstetrician (I had never met him, even though he was assigned to me after my surgery. I go to a teaching clinic, and so I was always seen by students and other doctors).

December 13, 2010 – Met my Obstetrician for the first time. I asked him to review my ENTIRE file, and I told him everything I knew about my situation. I also told him that I really, really wanted to be pregnant as soon as possible. He agreed that further testing would be pointless and would just cause me more discomfort, so he signed that magic sheet of paper and referred me to a fertility clinic. Now all I had to do was go home and wait for their call.

As a last minute thought, I asked him if Angelo and I still needed to use contraception. We’d been told after the surgery to make sure to use something, because I was at such a high risk for another ectopic. My doctor told me that while there was always a risk, he thought that it was low enough that I could forgo contraception. After all, there was only one way in to that uterus, and it was blocked up tight.

(Though we didn’t know it yet, we conceived around December 18, 2010. So I guess pregnancy didn’t elude me in 2010 after all!)

So I went home and felt… okay. Christmas was coming, and I was happy that at least there was a plan in place, and that I didn’t have to keep worrying about it. I was able to really enjoy the holidays and all the family and friends around me. And wouldn’t you know it, the taste of alcohol was just NOT sitting well with me in those weeks, and I had a dry New Year’s. Isn’t it funny how my hormones knew what to do to protect that little kid!?

January 5, 2011 – This was supposed to be the first day of my period. My period is VERY regular, even after the surgery, and I was expecting it like clockwork. But the day came and went and my period didn’t come.

January 6, 2011 – At first I had decided to hold off for another couple of days before taking a pregnancy test. But by lunchtime, I had given up that idea because I wanted to know NOW, and I didn’t want to drive myself crazy dragging it out. I picked up a pregnancy test on the way home, and showed it to Angelo as I walked in the door. Can you believe the guy wanted to film me taking it??!?! I told him absolutely not, and I locked myself in the bathroom because I knew he’d try to come in halfway through. (though now I kinda wish he had filmed it, because the outcome is so great!)

I took the test and it went positive RIGHT away. There was none of this “wait for two minutes for results”. It was instant – Bam! You’re pregnant! I called out to Angelo and by the time I had unlocked the door, I was crying, and shaking, and laughing, and hugging him, and so, so, so happy. But also incredibly nervous and scared. I mean, okay, I was technically pregnant, but we still had no idea where this pregnancy was located. It could very easily have been in the tube again.

January 7, 2011 – I called my OB and told his receptionist the whole story. I told her I needed an ultrasound RIGHT AWAY! She told me the doctor would see me on January 21. I asked her if she was serious. I knew I’d never be able to wait TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I told her again that I was supposed to go for IVF because a normal pregnancy was not possible for me. She said she’d talk to the doctor, and if he thought I should come in sooner, they’d call me back. Well, they never called me back (because, it turns out, she never talked to the doctor).

January 8 – 20, 2011 – I managed to convince myself that I was having another ectopic pregnancy, and the reason I wasn’t bleeding was because the bleeding was occurring internally, and I would just collapse on the floor at any second of any day. It was quite possibly the longest two weeks of my entire life.

January 13, 2011 – Received a call from the Fertility clinic. They wanted to set up an appointment with me for the following day. I didn’t know what to do, so I called my OB’s office. They told me not to keep the appointment with the Fertility clinic. Canceling that appointment was SUCH a difficult thing to do. I was second-guessing myself like crazy.

January 21, 2011 – As I had begun to suspect, my doctor hadn’t taken the time to review my file, and was only reminded of my predicament once I was there in front of him, reminding him of who I was. So of course, he hadn’t booked an ultrasound for me. Angelo was with me, and he demanded we get an ultrasound THAT DAY. The doc tried to call the clinic and get me in, but they were booked up, and he could only get me in on the following Tuesday. I knew there was NO WAY I could wait another four days for this, and so Ange and I went down to the clinic anyway, requisition sheet in hand.

We got to Sound Diagnosis and I told the receptionist an abbreviated version of my story. She was sympathetic, but she told me they were booked solid, with only one technician working. I told her that she would be saving me from excruciating anguish if she could just squeeze me in anywhere. We’d wait all day. She went back to talk to the technician, and when Ange and I heard her say: “Alright, I’ll see her at 11am, but she’s the LAST ONE!” we both sighed with relief and I became week at the knees.

That first ultrasound, at 7 weeks pregnant, was absolutely incredible. She had to go internally, but we could see everything. My big old uterus and right in the middle of it, the amniotic sac, the yolk sac, the little baby (which was just a cluster of cells at that point), a small placenta beginning to form, and most importantly, a tiny little flicker at the bottom of the screen that was the baby’s heart, beating like crazy. All of it, right where it needed to be. I had tears streaming down my face, and I was trying to keep it together so that I could keep seeing what I was seeing on that screen, but my stomach was going up and down so fast. I took a moment to calm myself down, and the technician took the measurements she needed, and then she left us alone. As we walked out of the clinic, I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for fitting me in, and that she had relieved so many of my fears.

February 8, 2011 – Appointment with the OB. I told him the whole thing was so surreal, and that I still wasn’t convinced that I could really be pregnant. He told me that these things happen all the time, and that he never uses the word “impossible”.

Today, February 25, 2011 – 12-week ultrasound. The baby very much looks like a baby now, and her (I’ve decided it’s a “her”) measurements all fall into the “normal” range. She’s 5.8cm from Crown to Rump, has a heartbeat of 168pbm, and the NT test is within the low risk range. The craziest part of all was seeing her move her arms and lift her head. I just wanted to keep looking at her. I didn’t want the appointment to end.

Seeing her today was amazing. I’m really trying to let go of the fear and apprehension that something, somewhere along the line, will go wrong. And though it may, I have to learn to appreciate the things that have already gone right. It’s funny, looking back on this whole thing, it seems like it’s easier to be strong and stoic in the face of adversity, to find hope and perseverance when things are at their bleakest, than it is to sit back and allow myself to enjoy my incredible luck and good fortune.