Speed Trials

Haha, okay maybe not, but I feel so much better nowadays! (I had surgery two weeks ago)

I’ve actually been walking home from work this week, and it’s made me think that I might be ready to start running again very soon!! Huzzah!

It’s been something that I’ve really missed these last weeks, and I can’t wait to get back out there and hit the pavement. But since the weather has turned cold here in Ottawa, I’ve decided to treat myself (because dang, I deserve it!!) and stock up on fall-weather running clothes.

This summer, my friend tried to return some items to Lululemon, but was turned away because she was past the two-week window for returns. The cashier at Lulu was adamant that we couldn’t return the garments, but she added: “You could try selling them on ebay. I know a lot of people who do that.”

I little light went off when she said that! So thanks for the tip lady, no more buying full-priced Lulu gear for me, from now on, I’m buying my Lulus used!

I’m still aboard the love train, and it’s amazing! I received two more bouquets that are both extremely beautiful:

Fall colours are so pretty – definitely something to think about for our upcoming wedding!

I always thought that I didn’t care for fresh cut flowers, that they were sort of frivolous and a waste of money. But after this whole ordeal, I’ve found that seeing bright bouquets of cheerful flowers everywhere in the apartment has really lifted my spirits and boosted my mood!

As for the recovery, it’s progressing nicely. I try to leave the apartment at least once a day, although today’s outing really tired me out and I had to lie down when I came home. I think part of the problem is that yesterday I ate the last of the vegetables in the house and so today I’m left with little to no energy. Problem is, I don’t have enough energy to go out to the store and get some veggies, so I must wait patiently for Ange to return from class before getting my greens into me. It’s even one of those rare times where I don’t have any Vega on hand, which would at least have provided some nutrients, even if in powder form…

Oh well, I can only hope that soon I’ll be back to normal and able to get back into my routines. But for now, naps and knitting it is!

On Thanksgiving weekend I took a short break from my skirt, and whipped up a little something for my nephew, Rio, who is 7 months old. This is from Stitch’N'Bitch and it is very easy to make and super cute.

I really winged it on the sizing, as the wool I used had lost its label long ago, and I didn’t really know Rio’s current head size.

However, it turned out pretty darn cute, and the umbilical was just right.

Rio liked it, though it was a little on the small side. It won’t last all winter. Oh well, I’ll just have to knit him some more goodies!! In the meantime, the skirt is inching towards completion. Hopefully I’ll have something to show you in the next couple of weeks.

First of all, thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has sent their well-wishes. You guys are the best! Definitely the best thing about this whole ordeal has been the love:

I’ve received flowers, an Edible Arrangements bouquet, a card with doggies on it, and lots of love.

The worst part about this (you know, aside from the surgery, sutures, pain, and possible infertility) is the gross bruise on my hand from the IV:

Ouch!

But seriously, I am recovering well.  I had a hard time managing the pain at first, because I was scared to take the narcotic they had prescribed to me. (turns out, it’s okay to take prescription pain medication when it’s been prescribed to you!) So now I’ve written out a pill schedule so that I know when to take what.  I usually have a nap in the morning, another one in the afternoon, and I still sleep about 7 or 8 hours a night. All that sleep is imperative to getting well, I think, and will hopefully help heal my wounds quickly and with little scarring.

Speaking of, I took off my bandages yesterday (don’t worry, no pictures!), and I am happy to report that the incisions are TINY! Really, they are only about 3/4″ to 1″ long. Another surprising turn is the incision in my bellybutton – it has totally changed the shape of my navel, which is kind of weird. I always took my bellybutton for granted, and I thought that I didn’t really like how it looked, but now that it’s been changed, I realized that I was somewhat attached to it – it was mine, unique, and it has looked the same way my whole life. To have it completely changed now actually makes me a little sad.  I’m sure I’ll get used to it, but for now, it weirds me out.

Gives “navel-gazing” a whole new meaning!!

Disclaimer: The following post is simply my first-hand account of my personal experience.  I am NOT a qualified expert, and this is in NO WAY a full medical report.  If you have any reason to believe that you are pregnant, or want to become pregnant, or are having complications with a pregnancy, it is always best to seek medical help. This post is purely anecdotal.

Personal disclaimer: if you are a friend or loved one and hearing about this for the first time, please do not be upset. Up until Thursday, we kept all of this a secret even from our parents.  Now that they know, as well as our close family, we are slowly starting to share with our friends. If you want to call me and talk about it, please do. I will be home recovering and would love the diversion.

* * *

I am sitting at home this evening, watching the hockey game, eating guacamole and chatting with Angelo. Everything seems to be normal, except for the four incisions in my belly that ache whenever I try to move.

But this is the end of the story. The beginning started over a month ago, when what I thought was a normal period ended up being a miscarriage.  And then what I thought was a normal miscarriage ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. The last 40 days seem like they have gone on forever, as they were filled with all kinds of anxiety, questions, blood tests, and what ifs. I’ve kept a pretty accurate record of dates and times, so here it is, laid out chronologically for you:

Friday September 10: I started my period. I thought it was odd that it started a couple of days early, but other than that, there was nothing out of the ordinary.  However, by the next Sunday, my period still hadn’t stopped, and I was annoyed that it was dragging on so long. Every morning of the following week I would say to myself that it would be the last day of my period, and every evening I’d go to bed thinking it would be over in the morning.

Monday September 27: on the 18th day of my period, I called my doctor. My appointment was set for Wednesday the 29th.  I told him my symptoms, and that I suspected I may be having a miscarriage. I took a urine pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was sent to the lab for a blood test.

Friday, October 1: the results came back and my Beta HCG (the pregnancy hormone) was at 322. That put me at 2-3 weeks pregnant. At this point I was pretty sure I was having a miscarriage, just because I had been bleeding for 3 weeks and the BHCG number was too low. But I had to go back for another blood test the following week to be able to compare numbers (if the number was lower, then I was miscarrying; if it was higher, then the pregnancy might still be “viable”)

Monday, October 4: took second blood test.

Wednesday, October 6: the results came back and my BHCG was down to 230, meaning that I had a miscarriage. I was sad, but since I didn’t even know that I was pregnant in the first place, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the loss. My doctor set up an appointment for an ultrasound to make sure the miscarriage was complete (meaning the uterus was completely empty). He also assured me that the bleeding should cease in the next few days.

Thursday October 7: I went to the ultrasound, and the technician showed me my uterus, my ovaries, and explained that the uterus was empty. Therefore, it would have been normal for me to stop bleeding and for my BHCG to drop down to zero (since I wasn’t carrying an embryo anymore).

But I didn’t stop bleeding, and my BHCG hit a plateau.  And then after the ultrasound, I started feeling pain on the left side of my pelvis, that also would shoot down my left leg. That weekend was thanksgiving weekend, and I played it really low-key (remember I bailed on my 10k race – now you know the real reason why). I was taking pills to help with the pain, but I knew that something was wrong.

Tuesday, October 12: As soon as his office opened, I called my doctor, and we set up an appointment for the next day. I really wasn’t feeling well, and left work at noon.

Wednesday, October 13: My doctor examined me and didn’t like how much blood I was still passing. He sent me for another blood test, and asked for results STAT. I called his office at the end of the work day, but they still hadn’t received the results.

Thursday, October 14: I went to work that morning, not expecting to hear from my doctor, since he doesn’t work on Thursdays.  However, he called me from his home and said that my test results had come back, and that my BHCG was only down to 192, and that he was going to get the opinion of Gyne at the Civic hospital and that he’d get back to me with further instructions. I tried to get through my work, but I was a ball of worry. Finally, at around 3:30pm, he told me to get to the ER at the Civic Hospital, that the Gyne team was waiting for me, and that they suspected an ectopic pregnancy.

Ectopic pregnancy: A pregnancy that occurs anywhere other than in the uterus.  Ectopic pregnancies most commonly occur in the Fallopian tube, though ectopic pregnancies are not all that common.

It is at this point that I made a decision. What had been kept a secret for weeks finally had to come to light. Angelo and I had made the decision not to tell anyone that we were trying to have kids, and we certainly didn’t tell anyone about the miscarriage. But all of a sudden, all that seemed inconsequential, and it was time to let the family in on the secret. I called my mom and asked her to drive me to the hospital.

We got to the Civic at around 4pm, and I didn’t see the doctor until AFTER 11PM!!!! It was such a stressful, long wait, and even though Angelo, my mom, and my dad were there with me, I was just so tense and nervous about the whole thing. At one point I did break down in the waiting room and was given some pain killers, which calmed me down.

Finally, I saw the doctors, and they examined me and reviewed my file. At this point they only suspected an ectopic, and so they decided to send me home (they discerned that with my current pain level – which was medium-low – I was not at risk of imminent rupture of the tube). They set me up with an ultrasound appointment (where they would look specifically for the ectopic) and another blood test in the morning.

Friday, October 15: I went to my ultrasound appointment at 11:45am. The technician looked me over, and then she called in the doctor. They looked at me for a long time, and then the doctor said to me: “Well, I think we may have finally found the location of the ectopic.” and she gave me a sad, sympathetic look.  She was sorry to be the one who was confirming to me that I had an ectopic pregnancy. She told me to go back to ER, that she was going to call the Gyne team herself, and that they would see me soon.

I was back at the ER at around 12:15, and they did more bloodwork. I was seen by the Gyne team at 4pm.  The doctor who saw me, Dr. McKinnon, explained to me that I was having an ectopic pregnancy and examined my stomach. She asked me if I could point to where it hurt the most, and I pointed to the exact spot where they had located the ectopic. That, in a way, was good, because it meant that I had maybe not ruptured the Fallopian tube, since the pain was localized. She then broke down the possible treatments for me: 1) do nothing and monitor. Since I was in pain, and since my BHCG was plateauing rather than going down, this was not an option for me. 2) treat the ectopic medically, where I would be given a drug that would abort the embryo. However, they only use this treatment for embryos that measure up to 3mm.  Mine was at 5mm and so she had reason to believe that the medical treatment would not work, and that the procedure could drag on for weeks with a lot of monitoring and follow-up testing. 3) surgery. This is where they would make an incision by my bellybutton, go in with a scope, and extract the embryo from the tube. However, surgery comes with risks, and there is a possibility that the tube would be damaged beyond repair and would have to be removed. She clearly explained the potential risks, but said that given my individual situation, she would go with the surgery.  That way it would be done, I would be sure it was treated properly, and I could get on with my life. I agreed with her and signed the consent form.

I was then changed into a hospital gown and given an IV. I was put on the waiting list for a room.  I made my phone calls, and when I called my dad, he said: “I’m out in the waiting room” so I went back out there to sit with him, wheeling my IV around with me wherever I went. It was nice to sit with my dad, and certainly calmed me down. At around 6pm, I was brought up to my room.

My mom and step-dad came by at around 7pm, and Angelo followed very shortly. I was so happy to see them all there, but almost immediately after they showed up, I was taken away to the OR. I was very nervous, but I tried to relax.  Everyone down at the OR was so great: the anesthesiologist, the nurses, the surgeon. Dr. McKinnon (I could only tell it was her by her glasses since everyone was wearing masks!) was there as well, which made me feel a lot better. I had to tell one of the nurses that I had left my underwear and pad on, and she assured me that she would only remove them after I had been put to sleep. That made me feel better too for some reason. I was given some oxygen and then they strapped my arms down. Since I already had an IV, they simply placed the anesthetic in the IV, and I was out in no time. They told me to think about happy things, because whatever you think about when you’re put under is what you’ll dream about while you’re asleep. I thought about Angelo and our upcoming wedding.

The surgery lasted about 1:30 (I was put to sleep at 7:20pm and came to at 8:40pm).  Everyone responds to anesthesia differently, some people get nauseous, some people get cold. Me? I got hysterical. I was sobbing even before I was fully awake. I was crying loudly, much like I had when I had the colonoscopy. And then I also got really cold. They had four warmed blankets on me, and one wrapped around my head, and I just shivered uncontrollably for about 20min after I came to. Finally I settled down, and after an hour in the recovery room, they brought me back up to my room.  I made my phone calls to Angelo, to my parents, and to my brothers, to let them know that I was out of surgery. Angelo came by to sit with me for a bit.  It was wonderful seeing him, and made me feel calm and normal. He looked at my stomach (I hadn’t had the courage to do it) and saw the four bandages (one at my bellybutton, two on either side of my stomach, and the last one down in my pubic area). At around midnight I started to drift a little, so he left and I slept fitfully for an hour. I asked for something for the pain, and was given a narcotic. The sounds of the IV machine were oddly soothing, and finally I slept soundly from about 3am to 6am.

Saturday, October 16: Dr. McKinnon came by to see me at around 7am, where she gave me the results of the surgery. Unfortunately, they were unable to salvage the tube, and they removed it. But she said the surgery itself went well, and that I was free to go home that morning. She also gave me some good information about what she saw during the surgery, and recommended that I go to the infertility clinic to be “proactive” about becoming pregnant.  After she left, I slept for another couple of hours, and then called Angelo to come pick me up.

So, the past 72 hours have been pretty darn crazy for me. This was the first time I’d ever been in surgery, the first time I’d stayed overnight at a hospital. I must say that all the staff at the Civic Hospital were really amazing! From the residents who saw me on Thursday, to the ultrasound technician and doctor, to Dr. McKinnon who really took extra good care of me before, during, and after the surgery, to the really nice nurses who took care of me in my room, everyone was amazing! Also, having my family and Angelo near me really made the whole thing less scary. Thank you to everyone, and thanks to all who have offered their support and love.

As for me, I feel okay, physically and emotionally. I am glad that this part of the process is over, and I can focus on recovery and then the next chapter of my life, whatever that may be. There will be big decisions to make later on, but for now, it’s all about rest and recovery.