I used to be a very ethereal person. I thought big thoughts and dreamed a lot. In fact, I remember longing for peace of mind when all I could do was pine for deeper understanding of this big, big world. I sought out the truths and failings of human kind and I was always baffled and awed by the wide scope put before me. I thought of travel and of cultures so foreign to my own, and I fell into conversations so easily at bars, on buses, on the street or in a gallery. But somewhere along the way all of that changed, and my focus narrowed to the point of obsession over the slightest minutia. The blog seemed to be the great enabler of all that; it seems too present, too short-sighted. I can’t seem to use it to write any deep thoughts, and so I stick with basic, up-to-the-second accounts of my current state and immediate surroundings, and it’s not enough to sate me.
I don’t want to endlessly report back on what I eat, when I eat, how I prepare… There is more to me than the food I eat. I have struggled with the over-arching presences of eating in my life for a long time, and I would justify it to myself by saying that we are really just like other animals, and survival is our primary concern, and as such, spending all of our time dealing with how to eat is merely part of that survival. But really, I’d like to think that I’m a little bit more complex than the pet dog, and that I can actually use my brain to think of other things.
And so that is what I will do. I will put aside the need to account for daily consumption, expenditure, and expect to see a clear resulting net worth.
And really, don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright: I am sticking with the elimination diet, I am sticking with the 10k training, I am sticking with roller derby, and most importantly, I am sticking with my wonderful man, my great friends, and fun times.
However, in this effort to see the wide horizon, I leave you with some positive aspects of the blog. It did manage to capture, on occasion, glimpses of gladness in my life. Moments of discovery, of pure joy, and some landmarks that I will never forget. And so to end, I leave you with some favourite posts…
http://www.speedtrials.org/2006/06/11/flights/
http://www.speedtrials.org/2006/07/02/the-end-of-the-chapter/
http://www.speedtrials.org/2006/10/29/new-haircuts-and-broken-bones/
http://www.speedtrials.org/2007/06/04/crash-test-gardening/
http://www.baddirtdesigns.org/2008/07/my-second-job/
http://www.speedtrials.org/2008/11/22/my-new-present/
http://www.baddirtdesigns.org/2009/03/nostalgia/
http://www.baddirtdesigns.org/2009/04/zipolite-oaxaca-mexico/
http://speed-trials.blogspot.com/2009/05/august-10k-training-day-one.html