Speed Trials

Before I was a homeowner, I would have scoffed at the idea of buying ANYthing for an apartment that I couldn’t take with me.

But after all the renovating we did at the Champagne Room, I’m a little more lenient towards home improvement in my rental.

I swapped out our kitchen faucet this weekend. I was sick and tired of constantly getting scalded with hot water when doing the dishes. I got a single lever faucet at Canadian Tire for $36. And no, I have no intention of taking it with me when we move…

Old faucet (after I’d removed the hot and cold taps)

New faucet (shiny!!)

Under the sink… The countertop is rotting away, and I was worried that the faucet wouldn’t be secure, but I managed to clamp it down.

It was pretty fun whipping out this book again… It saved us many a time when we were renovating…

“We never eat ‘normal’ meals anymore!” came the complaint from Angelo on Sunday night about twenty minutes into an argument about dinner. Fair enough. He, more than anyone, knows how I’ve struggled with eating the “right” things, and how crazy in the head it’s made me.

Now I don’t want to offend anyone or alarm anyone by talking about ED‘s like I’m an expert on the subject, because I’m not. But, through the last few years, the emphasis I have put on food and the obsession I have had with weight, and the resulting gains and losses (not to mention the overuse of laxatives and enemas) have lead me to believe that I was hovering dangerously close to the periphery of an ED.

disclaimer: the stomach aches and the constipation came before all of this psychological madness, so those aren’t psychosomatic ailments. Just in case that’s what you’re thinking. I was the kid who brought the hot water bottle to school most days, remember?

Though, I have made some inroads; there has been a shift in my thinking, a bit of a return to “normalcy” when it comes to food. I have a hard time putting it into words, so here are some examples of what I mean:

1. I used to get depressed halfway through a meal (before I even finished it) that I was going to be hungry as soon as it was all gone. Now, I enjoy my meal, knowing that if I want more, I’ll just go for seconds.

2. I used to feel really guilty after eating. It didn’t necessarily matter how much I ate, or what, or when. I just felt guilty, like I let myself down. I stop those feelings now before they start.

3. I used to become paralyzed by food. I would think of the hundred things I had to do right in that moment, get overwhelmed, and eat instead of doing any one of those 100 things.

4. I used to be very restrictive of some “off limits” foods, and would stuff my face with way too much “diet” foods. Now I strive to eat a wider variety of things, that may or may not have fat or sugar in them, and just eat until satiated (though since my stomach is still constantly upset, sometimes it’s difficult for me to know when I am really satiated. Hence the constant need to measure and count everything – this is an area I still have to work on).

I hate that I still struggle with this. I have NO idea what real hunger feels like, or how I “should” feel when satiated. Sometimes I think I’m hungry, but I don’t know if it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. So I ask myself what it is that I reallly WANT to eat. If I can name it, then I’ll go out and get that thing to eat. If I can’t really pinpoint what I want to eat, then it’s probably a mind fuck and I move on. (sometimes. Sometimes I still just by some mixed nuts or a granola bar and eat, and then shake my head because I didn’t really need it).

***

But the stomach aches still persist, and the BMs still don’t come nearly as often as they should, and there are still these tangible pains that stick with me most days. So I scoured the interweb to try and find as much info as I could on elimination diets, and to see exactly how one goes about it. This PDF was the first link listed in a Google search, and I like it quite a bit. It seems pretty doable, though I know I’ve said that a thousand times before. But I know what my problem would be: I wake up in the morning TOTALLY ravenous, and all I want is a bowl of cereal, a piece of toast, or a muffin or croissant, and bam, my food for the day has already been tainted with a “suspect” food group. Also, I am deathly terrified that I am, in fact, sensitive to wheat gluten, and then it’s bye bye cereal, toast, muffins and pastries for ever and every. Oh my.

Angelo asked the ladies at Bread and Sons bakery if they had any input on my situation (Angelo loves to talk to the girls he flirts with about my stomach ailments and poo habits. It used to upset me, but he didn’t stop, so I just decided to live with it). One lady suggested I get in touch with Sunrise Health Centre. That’s just what I did.

I have an appointment with them on June 2, where I’ll undergo an initial session of N.A.E.T. (yeah, that’s Nambudribad Allergy Elimination Technique). It’s a patented test for allergies to eggs, grains, sugar, and other common allergens. The idea behind the treatment is to “cure” the body of allergies, but most important is the fact that they can determine whether or not I may have food sensitivities. (I can then decide whether or not I want to continue with the “treatment” or go on an elimination diet)

The scary part about all of this is not knowing, or trusting, the different practices available out there. There is such a disparity of information on these alternative medicines, and I have no idea who’s a hack and who’s legit. I would love to give myself over to some professional overseer, who could monitor my diet and make me feel like I’ve got a safety net, a support group, and an accountability standard all wrapped in one. But that’s not how it works. I must be my own guide through all of this, and I am hardly equipped for such a job, as it is my own fucked up notion of eating that has lead me to where I am today.

Sigh.

Another packed weekend over at the Wellington Place. Friday night I didn’t do much of anything after my run. I hung out at the Polo Court for a bit, but the mosquitoes, out in full force now, drove me inside fairly early on in the evening.

Plus, I knew I was getting up early on Saturday morning on account of the Great Glebe Garage Sale. This is an annual event, where the Glebe, a community-heavy neighbourhood in central Ottawa, hosts a huge garage sale that spans blocks and blocks. Seriously, it’s crazy!

BG arrived at our place at around 6:15am, followed by Richard who showed up at around 7am. We had a quicky breakfast and we were off. BG and I were on bikes, while the brothers Sarrazin were on skateboards.

When we got there, some people were just setting up, but we managed to snag some good deals right away. Angelo stuck mostly to records, whilst I blew my load in the first fifteen minutes and bought two books and a bamboo steamer.

As the day wore on, more people showed up.

You never know what you could find at the Great Glebe.

Bank Street is sort of the aorta of the Glebe, and the shops take advantage by holding a huge sidewalk sale.

It’s also a great social event. I bumped into tons of people that I don’t see too often, and spent a bit of time hanging out with the Roller Girls, who were out promoting their upcoming bout. (check the website for more info!!)

Always a good time. But the real secret to the Great Glebe Garage Sale is what happens at dusk. Ange and I usually ride our bikes up and down the streets in the evening, checking out what people have left, unsold, on their lawns and curbs, to be picked up for free by those in the know!

Another packed weekend over at the Wellington Place. Friday night I didn’t do much of anything after my run. I hung out at the Polo Court for a bit, but the mosquitoes, out in full force now, drove me inside fairly early on in the evening.

Plus, I knew I was getting up early on Saturday morning on account of the Great Glebe Garage Sale. This is an annual event, where the Glebe, a community-heavy neighbourhood in central Ottawa, hosts a huge garage sale that spans blocks and blocks. Seriously, it’s crazy!

BG arrived at our place at around 6:15am, followed by Richard who showed up at around 7am. We had a quicky breakfast (eggs and potatoes for them, another smoothie for me) and we were off. BG and I were on bikes, while the brothers Sarrazin were on skateboards.

When we got there, some people were just setting up, but we managed to snag some good deals right away. Angelo stuck mostly to records, whilst I blew my load in the first fifteen minutes and bought two books and a bamboo steamer.

As the day wore on, more people showed up.

You never know what you could find at the Great Glebe.

Bank Street is sort of the aorta of the Glebe, and the shops take advantage by holding a huge sidewalk sale.

It’s also a great social event. I bumped into tons of people that I don’t see too often, and spent a bit of time hanging out with the Roller Girls, who were out promoting their upcoming bout. (check the website for more info!!)

Later in the evening, we went to an Ascension Mass in honour of my grandmother, who would have been 100 this year. It was interesting going back to Mass after so many years. I still remembered the prayers, which is shocking!

Afterwards, Angelo went home, and I went out with my family for dinner. We don’t get together nearly often enough.

I have a bunch of cousins, and we’re all in that child-bearing age range. Two of my cousins are preggers as we speak, one cousin was at the hospital tending to his wife who gave birth YESTERDAY, and I’m in the minority group of those who have yet to crank out a kid. Gah. Pressure, much?

It was still SO Great to hang out with everyone.

I had a huge salad with roasted peppers, sauteed onions, and roasted potatoes. It was huge, and I ate it all.

I shouldn’t have, because it didn’t sit well with me all night. I went to bed bloated, and woke up bloated. This morning wasn’t so great. I was uncomfortable, and Angelo and I were tiptoing around each other in the apartment. I hate it when there’s tension in the house. We tried to walk it off by going to the Parkdale Market.

Remember how it looked a few weeks ago?

We got back home, and were still on edge. Finally, he went to the garden alone and I went for my long run.

Distance: 6.9 km
Time: 39:17
Calories burned: 276 (why oh why is this number so small???)
Avg. HR: 150 bpm (oh, that’s why)

Today’s run was a little different for me because I – wait for it – bared my midriff. Now, I’ve gained a little bit of weight lately, mostly in my midsection, and I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it. But I know I must be patient and keep on keepin’ on to make sure I lose it gradually, over time, sustainably.

So here’s what I looked like before the run:

And here’s what I looked like after:

I was a little self-conscious about baring my midriff, but I got over it. Fake it till you make it, is what I say to myself in these situations. Just act like your body’s shit hot, and maybe one day it’s actually how you’ll feel about it…

Don’t worry, just because I haven’t been posting doesn’t mean I’m not kicking the shit out of my training program. Here’s the weekly roundup:

Monday: Ran 4.8km as per my last post. Did Day 1 of the Twohundredsitups.com challenge. Ange and I felt the burn. Click the link on my sidebar for more info…

Tuesday: Ran a short 2km after work and before Roller Derby practice. Then went to the arena and skated for three hours. It was a great practice. Lots of hits, lots of sprints, and I drew blood (grr!!)

Wednesday: I was Tired-with-a -capital-T on Wednesday, and so decided to make the midday my rest day. I’ll post the revised schedule soon. I still managed to do my situps.

Thursday: Beautiful day, 26*C, sunny, amazing. Went for a 4.6km run at lunch. Didn’t have my heart rate monitor with me, but I think I was pretty on pace as per usual. I ate a bit of greenstuffs before the run:

Coleslaw, broccoli salad with raisins, green salad, 2 dolmades

And a bowl of cereal, applesauce, and almonds after the run:

It was great to run in the middle of the day, especially since I went out for drinks with girlfriends after work. I was good and only had two glasses of white wine. Great to catch up with the gals.

Friday: Today. I purposely left my bike at home this morning because I wanted to run home. I was supposed to do a 35 minute tempo run, which left me a bit confused in trying to plan it out. I find these “timed runs” sort of problematic for me, as I’ve never really mapped out a route solely based on time before. I decided to follow the canal all the way home, and see how long that would take. Turns out it took way longer than 35 minutes. I stopped running at Bayswater, at just under 32min. I was tired. When I got home, I was also ravenous, and ate two slices of this:

And a leftover bean roll from Bread and Sons. These things are AMAZING.

I also have the situps again tonight. And I’m going to do some upper body reps too, for good measure. (gotta get those pipes back in shape!!)

In the meantime, eats have been good, though a little plain jane, since I’ve been pretty busy this week. My mornings, however, have undergone a significant change… They now are comprised of this:

1 cup water (sometimes with ice cubes)
1 banana (either frozen or fresh)
5 tsps blueberries (I just scoop till I’m satisfied)
3/4 scoop Vega Powder (Strawberry flavour)
1/3 cup oats

It is so, so, so good. And it does keep me full. Sometimes I’ll have a little something at around 10am, but really, the smoothie’s got legs! I’m hoping that keeping one meal out of three liquid will help with any traffic jams in my guts, but so far I haven’t noticed a big improvement. I do love smoothies though, so it’s no big ‘ting to start my days with one.

Tonight I’m taking her easy, reading lots of GWTW (I’m coming up to the halfway point – page 512 – and I’m scared to read too quickly lest it be over too soon. Always the sign of a good book) and going to bed early for tomorrow’s big day.

We’ve got lots planned, starting early to attend the Great Glebe Garage Sale. Lots of pictures to come, I promise.