Speed Trials

I’m not going to do the Master Cleanse this time around, because it’s really hard, and my poor tummy hurts so much, I don’t want to add to its grief. But I will cut out the following (I already forgo meat and milk): Cheese and eggs, white flour, white sugar, processed foods, salt, caffeine. I will also severely limit all sweeteners (such as honey, maple syrop, molasses, splenda). The exception: whole fruit.

I’m planning on eating a lot of steamed veggies, quinoa, brown rice, and legumes. Lots of fruit, too. And lots of wheat germ and bran, and lots of water.

Meanwhile, Angelo will be partying, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, perhaps even taking part in an illegal substance or two, getting very little sleep on someone’s floor, and spending huge amounts of energy for long periods of time.

How do we even get along???

Oh, I’m kinda choked… We were hoping to visit a cat today that was looking to get adopted, but his owner called us to say he was already taken. I kinda had my hopes up that I’d have a companion while Angelo was gone. Sigh.

In other news, I rode to work today. It is becoming exceedingly clear that I need a front fender. Hardly “executive” level!!!

I guess I’m doing things a little in reverse – posting about New Year’s resolutions before I’m even through with Christmas, but here’s a little taste of the holidays. It was actually a really nice Christmas this year. I got to see tons of people, got lots of nice presents and the ones I gave away were well received, too. We found out of a couple of pregnancies (always fun) and the time off work has been really relaxing.

Though I am sort of ready now to get back into the routine of things. I would be lying if I said I didn’t change my sleeping and eating patterns over the holidays, and my tummy has been writhing for the past couple of days. Too much chocolate, too much dough, not enough veggies makes for one tired Marlene. I thought of going for runs in the morning, but somehow just didn’t make it out the front door.

The spike in my baked good intake was caused by this wonderful tradition… The Annual Tess-Marlene-Dianne-Nic baking day extravaganza!!! Oooh, aaahhh.

This baking day is one of the funnest days of Christmas for me. I love all three women who take part with me, and I’m so grateful to have them in my life. And it’s true, goodies baked with love do taste better!!

Everyone makes resolutions at new year’s. And that might be why I never subscribed to it. Oh, how I hate to conform to society’s tendencies, and follow the herd. But you know what, the new year is just as good a time as any to take stock, check up, and redress the rudder of our lives a little. Otherwise, you can gradually veer off course without even knowing it, until you end up in the middle of a freakin’ ocean with no landmark in sight. And that’s not good.

Maybe I’m reticent of resolutions because they failed me so often in the past. Though never big on New Year’s resolutions, as a child I ALWAYS set resolutions in September. I was a bit of a keener in grade school, and every September I would pump myself up to make this year a FLAWLESS one. That’s right. My goal was to get 100% at school. I, of course, never got it. The closest I got was 94% in grade 4. Other than that I always hovered around 89% – 90%. I remember sitting myself down (even as little as I was) and rationalize to myself that it WAS possible to never answer a question wrong, to never be puzzled by a math problem, if I just paid enough attention to the teacher and the books. I started every school year with fresh pencils and notebooks, and I would have such expectations of myself, and my pristine worksheets. But inevitably I WOULD get a question wrong. I would get something mixed up in my mind, and it would DEVASTATE me. How could I have screwed it up? How could I have let it slip? Why wasn’t my resolve as strong in November or March as it had been in early September? I really couldn’t understand it.

OH, how things have changed!!! After my inevitable fall from grace (I barely graduated high school, and quit University with one credit to go – which I managed to extract from the school by using my first job as a “work study” credit, though years later) I realized that setting expectations too high was just as bad as setting them too low. I AM NOT THE BEST. I get it. Really. But I am pretty darned good. And that, somehow, has brought me more happiness than that 94% ever did.

And though my life as I know it is moving along at a nice clip these days, I do have some checking in to do.

My visit to the doctor’s last week makes a pretty strong case for changing a few things around here!!!

So here are Marlene’s goals for 2009, in no particular order:

Health and Fitness
· Run a 10km under 50min.
· Run 3 times a week (2×25min, 1×60min+)
· Eat more fibre, bran, wheat germ.
· Impose an 8pm food curfew.
· Maintain an average weight of 148lbs (I know, weird weight, right? But it’s the weight I feel really good at. I tried for 145, and it made me totally miserable. Yet 150 is just a little too high, leaving me a little too lethargic and bloated. So 148 is the magic number!!)

Lifestyle
· Do not buy anything “new” in 2009
· Floss everyday.
· Groom regularly
· Create a better, more personalized blog, and post more often
· Finish every craft project I begin.
· Finish my top tube protectors and bring them to Tall Tree.
· Get a cat. And LOVE it like crazy!

Career
· Take on a special project at work

Friends
· Spend at least one weeknight every two weeks with a friend.

That’s how I feel today. I haven’t had anything to eat since 6pm on Wednesday night, I’ve had two brutal enemas that first made me bloated and uncomfortable and then left me shaking and weary. And in just a couple of hours, I will be in a strange room, with a strange man, undergoing a strange procedure. Now, I’m not the kind of girl that gets really overworked about doctors and what they do (they just do what they do) but I have NEVER been a fan of needles. Especially IVs.

When I was a kid, and I visited people in the hospital, I would always look at that gruesome tube sticking out of their arm, and thought to myself: “I can never get sick” because I knew, I absolutely knew, that I would not be able to handle the IV. I could handle any pain, any ache, any disease, but never could I get past having someone open up a part of my body that is meant to stay closed, sealed on the inside.

And yet, today, that’s exactly what someone is going to do. And it is scaring me. More than the actual procedure.

But of course I will get through it. I always do. There’s no other option. I am also nervous with the hope that this doctor might actually DISCOVER something, some clue as to what’s wrong with me. He might be able to say: “oh, it’s this, so you have to do that” and then I’ll be all better. I’m getting my hopes way up on this Mr. Doctor, and I know I’ll cry if nothing comes of it. I’ll cry and cry as I’ve cried all morning, while I was going over what I would say to him concerning my discomfort of the last two years during our consultation.

On a completely separate note:

I’ve never felt like a Bike Polo Widow before. Angelo is good at it, he loves it, and it’s been a big part of his life long before I ever was. So I never felt I was entitled to that portion of his time that was dedicated to Bike Polo. But last night, for the first time, I felt a small battle was waged between me and his beloved Polo, and I lost. I didn’t need much from Angelo, just a little acknowledgment, a little comfort and pampering, and I couldn’t get it. He’s already in tournament mode, and nothing, not my fasting, or my stomach ache, or my fear of what is to come this afternoon could persuade him away from the more pressing issue on his mind.

Even his half-hearted attempts to make it up to me made me sad most of all. He knew he ought to pay attention to his sick girlfriend, but really he didn’t want to.

I went for a run today for the first time in a while. It sort of worked me over a little, but in the end, I’m glad I went. I decided to go up the Somerset hill, and I think that was a little ambitious on my first day back on the wagon.

I’m also thinking of heading over to Roller Derby later tonight. It’s been MONTHS since I last stood on my skates, and I’m super nervous about it. Enough to just scrap the idea and not go… I wish I had more confidence to just walk in there and say: “yeah, I know I suck, but that’s why I’m here!!”. As it stands, I get so nervous that the other girls are pissed that I’m taking their track time on basic stuff when they want to be jamming.

Oh well, get over it, I guess. In the meantime, here are some pictures of the new apartment. It’s been two months now that we’ve been here, and it’s so good. Feels like home, more than the Champagne Room ever could.