Speed Trials

Nico continues to be a happy baby. And can you believe it, Angelo was actually able to capture it in pictures!! Here you go:

So we visited his Nonna today, and she was SHOCKED that the boy stayed awake the whole time we were there (from 11am to 3pm). Also, my landlord was over at our place yesterday, and he made a comment that the boy doesn’t sleep. I guess I never really realized but Nico just doesn’t nap. Sure he falls asleep while nursing all the time, but it’s only for 5-10 min tops. He never actually “goes down” for a nap.

My MIL asked if it was exhausting. Huh. I had never really thought about it, but yeah, it kinda is.

I’m going to make this short and sweet… Kinda like my training plan this week. Derp.

I don’t know, maybe it’s the cold weather and icy conditions, maybe it’s the fact that Nico had more night feedings (4/night) than usual, maybe I just needed a break, but I bailed on my mid-week run, and I didn’t do much in the way of cross or strength training this week. Though I ran 5k on Tues and we have gone on some outings as a family unit, so it’s not like I’ve been sitting on the couch doing nothing… Okay, I did a bit of that too..

So because I flaked on exercise during the week, I couldn’t very well ignore my long run this morning. I dutifully woke up, put on some gear (including my new Run for It Tights from Lululemon) and headed out the door. The run started off a little bit tough; I was a bit rusty after all. I had some tightness in my legs, but after the first km I was warmed up and the next three seemed to go by quite effortlessly. But then the last 2km dragged on and on and on. I kept looking down at my watch hoping I’d put more distance behind me, and I was always surprised at how little progress I’d made. Finally I got home and overshot my house a bit to round out the last km. I was SO HAPPY it was over. Here are my km splits:

1 – 5:54
2 – 5:44
3 – 5:48
4 – 5:53
5 – 6:10 <– Ooof
6 – 5:51

I ran it 2min faster than last week’s 6km, so I’m happy for that. I still don’t know what my time goal will be for the race on Feb 19, but I’ll take a look at my past runs and come up with a loose goal this week.

Oh yeah, one final thing: notice how I’ve done zero strength training yet. Well, lifting, carrying and babywearing a 16lbs boy is taking a toll on my lower back. It’s sore probably 70% of the time now, so I have to get smart and start working out those muscles. Cos you know, that boy’s only going to get bigger!

Well, it’s taken 4 months for it to happen, but I’ve officially lost track of the days of the week!! haha.

Angelo, Nico and I have gone on a few outings, but I have no idea when (1 day ago? 14 days ago? I have no idea!!)

Did you know that the City of Ottawa maintains 247 outdoor rinks in the winter?? Angelo tracked down one of the better ones (well-maintained and smooth) and so we took our skates and the stroller out for a spin.

Ange practiced his trick shots while I just tried to stay upright! Actually, the stroller made it easy to keep balance, and Nico loved the fresh air (especially from under his piles of blankets).

Then the weather turned REALLY cold later this week and we had to find some indoor activities. We took Nico to the Plant Pool for his first ever swim.

Even though the water was nice and warm in the family pool, it was still a bit too cold for Nico. He only lasted about 10 minutes in the water before his trembling bottom lip gave way to full-on crying. Oh well, hopefully next week he’ll last longer.

In the meantime, we continue to go out for walks and attend some free playgroups in the area. Gotta fight against January Cabin Fever!

I’m feeling a lot better today than I did on Tuesday. And thanks to Crystal for her lovely comment on my last post – I guess I must remember that we’re all trying our best!!

This morning was truly idyllic – I was enjoying my morning coffee with Angelo, we were reading the paper while Nico nursed and slept in my lap. For a brief moment I was completely at peace with everything – no nagging anxiety about dishes or dustbunnies, no needless worrying about diapers or lack of sleep. It was just lovely to hang out as a family (yes, Enzo was there too). And then I looked out the window…

It was very sunny out, but the kind of winter sun where you just KNOW it’s frigid out there!! Across the street I could see a neighbour scrapping her car of ice, and she was NOT making any headway. “I really should go for a run” escaped my lips, and immediately the stress of adhering to my training plan crept back into my neck. After all, I didn’t go for my 5k run yesterday because of the snowstorm, but today’s conditions are no better since there’s a dusting of snow over VERY icy roads.

I looked down at my beautiful sleeping boy, and I decided it was now or never. He was napping, Angelo was home, I could lace up my shoes and be back in 30min.

The run was neither easy nor challenging – I was working to keep a good pace, but the effort wasn’t herculean.  And all at once I felt that same peace as I had over breakfast. And for the first time in 4 months, I felt good being completely alone. Sure I thought about my baby while on the run, but I certainly enjoyed the scenery and the solitude, too.

And hey, despite icy conditions and strong winds, I managed a 5k in under 30min. Added bonus: Nico was still asleep by the time I got home!

Here is the most obvious parenting statement I will ever utter: In parenting, there are no shortcuts.

I am slowly starting to understand how deeply that statement rings true. Example: Nico’s multiple late-night feedings every night were really starting to wear me down. I was having a hard time waking up to feed him, and staying awake during the feedings. I was actually rushing him to finish eating so that I could go back to bed – not good!

NOTE: I tried feeding in bed, laying down, but Nico couldn’t drain my breast adequately that way, and I suspect that’s what lead to my two bouts of Mastitis

Anyway, I had to find a way to STAY AWAKE while he ate. At around this time I got a new cell phone (yes, after a full year of NO CELL I broke down and bought an iPhone) so I downloaded a Sudoku app and started doing Sudoku’s while he ate. It was great, I could hold him with one hand, play a game or two with the other, and it was just enough light and interest to keep me awake. Nico was feeding more fully and actually started to sleep longer periods. I was super happy about it. But then Sudoku started to get a bit boring, and I figured I’d just browse the App Store for another fun game. Yeah… I got into Tiny Tower, and became addicted. I often found myself at 3am holding a passed-out Nico – finished with his meal and asleep in my arms – while I toiled away building my tower late into the night.. I was so focused on the stupid game that I wasn’t even conscious of Nico’s eating pattern. Some mornings I’d wake up and not even remember how many times he had fed in the night, I was so out of touch. I also went through a long bout of insomnia and aggravated it by playing more Tiny Tower. My baby was getting way too used to looking up at me and seeing only an Apple symbol between us. What had I become???

That’s when I really realized there’s no magic recipe for staying awake during night feedings; I simply have to do it – I have to do the un-sexy thing of going to bed earlier so that I can be better rested when he does wake up in the middle of the night. (By the way, deleting Tiny Tower from my phone was a LOT harder than I thought it would be. It took me a few days to work up the courage, but it’s gone now.)

And that’s just one little example. I’ve really been overcome with self-doubt about my parenting skills lately, especially as I try to carve out time to run or blog, not to mention the more mundane chores like laundry and dishes. And even though there are lots of things that interest me right now (I’d love to start knitting something new, or you know, be more involved in my friends’ and family’s lives) I feel like I’m constantly running to catch up.

And these distractions and self-doubt have made an epic fiasco out of my EC attempts.  This is what diaperfreebaby.org says about EC: “Elimination Communication should always be gentle, non-coercive, and based on babies’ interests and needs. Communication is the most important aspect of Elimination Communication, and should be the focus.”

What I am doing couldn’t be further from this!! I haven’t been able to read his signals at all, either just missing his eliminations or placing him over the toilet too soon where he squirms and cries out. It’s getting to the point where he doesn’t like the toilet anymore. Last night was the worst. Nico woke up at 4:30am, and I know that he usually has a large bowel movement at 5:30am. So instead of realizing that we were an hour away from his usual time, I stripped him down and held him over the toilet. He cried and cried, and I fumbled to get him comfortable, but hesitated between putting a diaper back on and “risking” a soiled diaper minutes later, or keeping him over the toilet despite his clear signal that he did not want to be there. I was not listening to my baby at all! I was forcing him to adhere to my schedule for my own convenience. Finally I put the diaper back on, and he fed so deeply and fully. Obviously it was hunger that woke him, not a need to eliminate.

Some naysayers might come to the conclusion that Nico is just too little to be “potty trained” but this is more of a communication issue than a poop issue. I’ve been isolating myself from Nico, rather than becoming more connected to him. Even as I type this, I’m at the computer and not attending to him. I want to declare a ban on all distractions – however, it’s easy to say “I won’t care about the state of my house” but if the thought of the fridge, which hasn’t been cleaned in 4 months, keeps me up at night (yup, I’m one of those neat-freaks) then the words are hollow and meaningless.

I will wage a war on these distractions. I won’t win every battle, but I will try to minimize my obsession with a clean house, I will severely curb my TV, internet, and phone usage, and I will (temporarily) give up my other interests for my baby. He will never be this little again, and his needs right now far outweigh anything else going on in my life. After all, I’ve only got 7 months left with him at home – most women would KILL for that kind of time off, so what the hell am I doing wasting it on a VIDEO GAME!?!?!?!

Instead, I will strive to focus on what is most important. Namely, this guy: